I’ve done more harm by the falseness of trying to please than by the honesty of trying to hurt – Jessamyn West

“I’ve done more harm by the falseness of trying to please than by the honesty of trying to hurt,” and the most harm has been done to myself.

This will be the most honest and revealing post I have ever made, and quite possibly will ever make.  The truth is I am scared of the fall out, scared of being “found out,” but never the less I will proceed, because it is something I have to do.

I am currently reading the book Radical Honesty, The New Revised Edition: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truthby Brad Blanton, Ph.D.. This is one of those books that just seemed to fall into my hands at the right moment.  I had it on my Amazon wish list, and while visiting one of my two favorite used bookstores here in Vegas I just happened to come across it.

From the back cover; “We all like like hell,” Dr. Blanton says.  “It wears us out … it is the major source of all human stress.  It kills us.”  “It is what keeps us in our self-built jails.”

In the book, Dr. Blanton describes the three phases or levels of telling the truth:

• Level one:  Revealing the facts
• Level two:  Honesty about current thoughts or feelings
• Level three:  Exposing the fiction

In today’s post I’ll be covering pretty much all three.  This morning as I journaled, I started with level one and listed all the lies that I could think of that I tell myself.  I then moved to level three and wrote down the opposite of those lies, the truth, and today as crazy as it sounds,  I am going to share some of those publicly.

• Lie:  I Have everything under control
• Truth:  At times my life is completely out of control.   I can’t control my emotions, my health, or my finances.  I find it difficult to maintain just the slightest bit of organization in my life and have turned procrastination into an art form.

• Lie:  I am happy.
• Truth:  I am happy more often than not, but there are times I am still very sad and lonely.

• Lie:  I believe I am a good person
• Truth:  I don’t believe I am a good person at all.

• Lie:  There are no strings attached, my love is unconditional.
• Truth:  Even though I may not want there to be, there are always strings attached and plenty of conditions.

• Lie:  My intentions are always good.
• Truth:  I am very manipulative and I use a variety of methods including humor to say what I truly feel, and/or to get others to do what I want them to do.

• Lie:  I do because I want to, and not for recognition or an ego boost
• Truth:  I am often benevolent and do “good works,” to elevate my perceived standing with others.  In fact this blog, including this post is one giant ego stroke.  There is nothing I like more than to read a comment on how great my writing is, or how grateful someone is because a post I wrote touched them.  I love to see my name in print, I love the recognition, I love listening to myself talk because I am the smartest person I know (another lie).

• Lie:  I am not an angry person
• Truth:  I am angry at a lot of people, and a lot of situations, but mainly with myself.  I still have trouble accepting 100% personal responsibility over my life, even though deep down I know only I am responsible for it.

• Lie:  I hold no resentment towards others
• Truth:  I often resent others good fortune and get jealous over their success.  I also hold old resentments over long ago hurts, perceived or real, and I need to let them go.

• Lie:  I know what’s best for so many others.
• Truth:  I don’t know shit.  I am just as confused as they are and trying to navigate my own rocky path and should just focus on myself and let them be and learn the lessons they need to, while I learn mine.

This is only the beginning, I know I am lying to myself if I think this is all that I am lying about, but it is a start.  There are some things that are too personal to share, and some things that should only be addressed with the person or people I have lied to.

This is all ties into my working hard at living The Four Agreements I discussed in a previous post.  The first being impeccable with my words, and the fourth, always doing my best.

The other day my good friend Mimi told me “You have such an interesting life,”  (yep, another ego boost).  Well the work continues, and it is only getting more interesting.

Religions talk about sins and sinners, but let’s understand what it really means to sin.  A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. – Don Miguel Ruiz; The Four Agreements, A Toltec Wisdom Book

I always believe I am in the right place at the right time.  If I was meant to be somewhere else,  experiencing different conditions, I would be there now and not here writing this.  So when I heard about this book The Four Agreements – A Toltec Wisdom Book, I knew I had heard about it for a reason and moved it up on my wish list at Amazon above other books I have been wanting for quite sometime.

Before I continue with today’s post, I would like to show some gratitude.  I am grateful for all the books I got for FREE from Amazon last week.  We have a secret shopper program at work and if you score 100% five times in a row you get a $50 gift card from a number of retailers and I chose Amazon.Com.

You can pick up the book alone, but I opted for the Four Agreements Toltec Wisdom Collection:  3 Book Boxed Set for only $19.77 for a savings over $11.00 on all three books.  Which includes The Four Agreements, The Mastery of Love, and The Voice of Knowledge.

In 1992, I was on a personal and spiritual journey through the Southwest with my best friend from High School, Tim Rommer.  While in Window Rock, Arizona, Tim had met a young Navajo woman who’s mother was a medicine woman for the Navajo Nation and she invited us to her mother’s house for our own private ceremony.  We followed the young woman across the border into Utah where her mother lived and found they brought in as many family members as they could to help with the ceremony.  After all the introductions were made, they fired up a pit in the middle of the living room and as the flames burned brightly, the ceremony began.

During the ceremony and as the flames died, the family chanted as Mary instructed us to drink some tea and smoke on some tobacco filled corn husks while we stared into the pit at the burning embers and ash.  At one point during the ceremony,  Mary explained that as non Native Americans the Great Spirit could not recognize us, so that night Tim and I were adopted into the Navajo Nation as her sons, and we now lovingly refer to her as “Mother Mary.”   This new connection and recognition by the Great Spirit allowed her to prophesy over us and to interpret what we saw in the glowing pit.

One of the things  I saw in the burning embers of the pit was a rattle snake.  Mary quite matter of factually stated, “You have eaten rattle snake haven’t you?”  She was correct.  While working on a catalog shoot in Arizona, the crew all shared a plate of rattlesnake at some little cafe out in the middle of the desert.  Mary informed me that Native Americans wouldn’t eat rattlesnake because it was poison to the system, and would cause a poisonous tongue.  Seeing right through my polite facade she said, “You have a venomous tongue don’t you?”  Sadly it was true.  I have a way of cutting people deeply with the things I say, and because of practicing poor impulse control that has happened far more often than I would care to admit.

This venomous tongue manifests itself in a variety of forms.  Sometimes it’s just being downright hateful and hurtful in an argument, other times its sarcasm hidden behind humor pointed at others, or self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism.  I have also played my shameful part in gossip, I have not always lived up to my agreements, and have compromised my integrity, as well as used my words to manipulate those around me.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering what does this have to do with this book…Well The Four Agreements is just a start at applying a a powerful code of conduct to your life.

What are The Four Agreements? (Source – Inside Cover Jacket)

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word:  Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally:  Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions:  Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly  as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best:  Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

These are just a brief synopsis of each of The Four Agreements, while the book is only 138 pages in length, and a really quick and simple read, each chapter is filled with deep insight into why we may have failed at living this code of conduct previously.

This is a book I will keep nearby and thumb through it often.  Upon completion of the book, I made a commitment to these four agreements and I am already finding myself in situations where I wanted to say something and I chose not to because the phrase, “Be Impeccable With Your Words,” comes to mind.  Right there in mid thought, my focus changed and instead of choosing a path of hurt, I chose a path of love and spoke words of praise and gratitude instead.

I am more than always happy to share any of the books I have in my personal library, but after reading this book, I think you will want a copy of your own and maybe buy some as gifts for friends and loved ones.

Here’s an image of  The Four Agreements you can print out and laminate and carry with you, or maybe hang up on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator.

“Nobody’s life is entirely free of pain and sorrow. Isn’t it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them” – Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

“This too shall pass,” is one of those often used but misunderstood phrases.  I will get to the misunderstanding part here in a bit.

The phrase is attributed to a Sufi fable where a King, upon hearing about a wise man being so enlightened, offers to pay any price to become like him.  The wise man informs the King that even his kingdom would not be enough to pay for such a thing, so this enlightenment would be a gift.

The wise man left only to return a few weeks later with a gold ring inscribed with the words, “This too shall pass.”  He then instructed the King that whatever he experiences, before he calls it good or bad, to touch the ring and read its inscription and this would always give him peace.

I hear this phrase used often, and in all cases it was in reference to some challenge someone was going through in life to console themselves or another that they could weather this storm, because it would soon be over and things would return to “normal.”  Not once have I heard this phrase uttered while celebrating a child’s birthday,  in the middle of a laughing spell while watching a funny movie, or while enjoying some sweet, creamy ice cream.

This is where the phrase is so often misunderstood.  It is not just there to remind us of the impermanence of troubled times.  It is there to remind us of the impermanence of anything and everything regardless of the label we attach to it, good, bad or ugly and to just accept the moment we are experiencing and allow it to just BE.

One of my affirmations I say daily includes “I choose to accept the what is of every situation.”  It has taken me some time to truly understand what that means.  While reading Dan Millman’s Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives I chose to put myself through a shorter version of a challenge that Dan’s mentor, “Socraters,” designed to teach him to be okay with suffering.

For two weeks I chose not to listen to any music, watch any t.v., eat any sweets, drink any caffeinated beverages, have sex (including masturbation), “work,” or perform tasks that required multi-tasking.  I was unable to read anything that was for pure enjoyment, every task I performed had to be done as an act of mindfulness meditation.

In other words I had to be present in the moment while performing those tasks.  For example no reading while eating.  My attention and focus had to be on what I was feeling, hearing, smelling, seeing, and tasting as often as I could remind myself.

This was not a lesson in austerity, but an attempt to learn to be okay and accept the moment for what it was and not try to change it.  If I was hungry and that made me frustrated, then own the hunger and frustration.  Recognize that it was there without judging it or more importantly myself.

This is still a lesson I am having to work through, accepting not just the “what is,” in life, but accepting the impermanence in life both good and bad.  But believe me when I say that there are plenty of opportunities being made available to me to learn this, over and over.  When discussing this with a friend the other night, I told her that it was like the Universe would keep teaching me this until I finally get it right.  Her response.  “Well then, get it right.”

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning

Born of the one light, Eden saw play

Praise with elation, praise every morning

God’s recreation of the new day.

Lyrics by Elanor Farjeon, Sung by Cat Stevens

This is my usual morning schedule:

1. Awaken sometime between 4 a.m. and 7 a.m.
2. Start a pot of coffee.
3. Read a verse from the Tao Te Ching
4. Read for 30 minutes to an hour from whatever book I am currently reading.
5. Yoga
6. Meditation
7. Journaling / Blogging

This is MY time, something that I have come to love and enjoy.  Something I find so much pleasure in and for good reason.  It just starts my day off right.

In the past I would never have considered myself a morning person, but now I go to bed “early,” in anticipation of my morning me time.

As someone with obsessive compulsive tendencies I have to be careful to not turn this into a ritual that if disturbed could ruin my day, that is not the case at all at this time.  But it is something that is important in helping me to frame my mind in a positive mind set and helps me to face whatever challenges I may come across during my day.  I now see this time I spend in the morning as important as exercise and proper nutrition.  It is an integral part of my spiritual and mental health fitness plan.

A little over two years ago I decided to live by the motto that if it didn’t feed my mind, body or soul in a positive manner, then I didn’t want any part of it.  I can say for the most part, this motto has served me well in making good choices in the books, music and shows I consumed.  I have noticed when I slipped and snacked on something a little dark it would definitely alter my thoughts, which would then alter my mood and clearly affect my behavior.

A clear example would be last August when I was listening to the Nine Inch Nails song Head Like A Hole over and over, and singing it throughout the day.  The lyrics included the lines:  ”Head like a hole, dark as your soul, I’d rather die, than give you control.”

It was during this time that I found myself having issues with a number of people and holding onto resentment against them.  It wasn’t until I went and purposefully loaded up some upbeat fun songs and listened to those in the morning that my attitude started to change, and I was more willing to let things go, and just not fight the “what is,” of the situation.

I go to private counseling on Mondays, and group counseling on Tuesdays.  This last week at group, Bob our therapist asked us to rate where we were at in our recovery as well as a what we were doing to maintain or improve upon that level.

The interesting thing is that the members of the group that continue to show up each week and are making improvements in their lives are doing something similar.  They are journaling, reading from the Bible, exercising, doing  something every morning that gives them that extra bit of strength to get through the next 24 hours until they do it all over again.  No one asked them to do this, they all found this on their own.

This may not be for you, or it may be exactly what you are looking for.  But I suggest you give yourself a chance at enhancing the quality of your life by choosing to get up a little bit earlier tomorrow morning, even if its just 10 minutes earlier and read a passage from something inspirational, write a thank you note to your higher power, or just sit quietly while drinking a cup of coffee and meditate on the day laid out before you.

I am so grateful for every morning that I awaken with air still in these lungs of mine, because it gives me the opportunity to spend some time alone with me, and my Higher Power.

1. I decided to update the design and move the domain over from one of my other servers for maintenance ease.  I would love some feedback.
2. I’ve got a few projects in the works that I am quite excited about, can’t really discuss them yet, but once they are launched you will definitely know.
3. My youngest niece and one of the three loves of my life is graduating in June, I am so proud of her.  However, she, her sister and mom will be moving back to Texas shortly after.  I shall miss them dearly.
4. Life goes on.  I am still working out spiritually, physically, mentally and financially.  I was talking to a dear friend tonight while working on the design and just told her how blessed I felt…and it is so true.  I have some truly great friends in this world.

Not much else, it is late and I have had only a couple of hours sleep in two days.  God bless!

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were “just going down to the corner.” – Jack Handy

At times I grow weary of the tests that life throw at me, the constant pokes and challenges from moment to moment that always seem to find the chink in my armor.  Far to often during these tests I have collapsed into reactivity, exposing my weakness to my “enemy,” giving them more valuable information on where to focus future attacks.  I don’t want these tests.  I want them to stop, I want a journey on a road free from obstacles and villains who lie in wait.  Or do I?

I remember as a child those nights I would wake up with my legs cramping, in so much pain and not understanding why.  I was told they were “growing pains.”

I also remember my brother and sister trying to teach me how to ride a bike for the very first time.  There I was at the top of our driveway, which in my childish mind was the steepest hill I had ever been on, when in fact it was a very slight slope.  They sat me on the seat as they held the bike for balance and then pushed me down the “hill” letting go.  I ended up across the street hitting the curb, flying over the handle bars and landing face forward into our neighbor’s yard where I vowed between a chorus of sobs, a combination of wiping away tears and runny nose that I would never try to learn to ride a bike again.

There are of course similar stories and experiences with learning how to skate, climbing trees and so on.  But overtime I pushed myself past the inconvenience of fears and challenges and learned to do all of these things and so much more.  After each of these challenges, and new learning experiences, as I rode my bike down the street, or peered down from atop the highest branch I could find, I knew deep down it was all worth it.

Memory is short, and life is long and there is one challenge I have not quite yet overcome, and that is the childish need to throw a tantrum when life becomes too difficult.  To want things to be different, the way I want them to be, not the way they are.  But after all these years I am finally beginning to understand that people and life test you in order for you to grow.  As in all things that occur in life, I have the opportunity to frame it how I choose.  Instead of seeing these external events as attacks, tests, or challenges, I can re-frame them into opportunities for growth, and shoring up those weak spots in my psychological and spiritual armor.

How?  By once gain accepting the moment for what it is and understanding that the only control I have in this world are over my thoughts and reactions to the circumstances at hand.  Why is this so important?  Because thought turns into emotion, and emotion turns into behavior.  Life is not “fair,” life is life on its terms, and its terms alone.  It is time to shed this cloak of self-entitlement, I am not owed a damn thing in this life, not even life itself.

Today I am grateful for those in my life who lovingly challenge and test me to become a better man, a better human being, the kind of person I know I can be.

Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep – Carl Sandburg

Am I living my deepest purpose?  Not quite yet. There are still a few distractions I must work through before I can say with certainty that I have penetrated my true core.

Each day as I sit with pen in hand and contemplate such questions I learn a little bit more about myself, and what makes me tick.  We’re not as complicated as we would like to think we are.  We are all connected by similar fears and doubts that plague our species.  What does differentiate us is how we respond.  Do we hide in shame with these fears and doubts thinking we are the only ones who feel this way?  Do we react with anger blaming the world for our condition?  Or do we lovingly accept that they exists and learn to work through them?

The horrible fact is we are not the special snowflakes our mothers told us we were.  The more I come to understand this, the more willing I am to open up and share my challenges and the lessons I have learned with others.  But more importantly, I have become more willing to listen to others.

I know what my current purpose is, it is not my deepest purpose.  Like an onion, I must peel away the layers until I reach the core.  And how do I do that?  By constantly leaning into my edge and facing those fears and doubts.  I am tough on myself, a bit too tough, and I push myself too hard and too fast.  So I am working on “leaning” into it, instead of “pushing” into my edge.

I do know I am on the right path, and how I know this is because of the clarity of my purpose improves each day.  I am also imbued with an energy, a drive, a passion to keep moving forward in spite of all the distractions I mentioned earlier.  There are more distractions that will have to be address on each layer of the onion as it is completely peeled away exposing its core.  But all I can say is even though it has been a tough and challenging process, it has been an interesting one and often times fun.

Today I am grateful for many thing, but most importantly for the friends and family members who have supported and challenged me on my path to being a better, more self-actualized person.

He who seeks for applause only from without has all his happiness in another’s keeping.- Oliver Goldsmith

I have heard the phrase “fear of success” a number of times and just came across it in a book that I am currently reading.  My best friend Jim has even used this phrase when describing me.  I personally don’t subscribe to the belief that anyone is truly afraid of success, but rather they are afraid of failure, of not living up to others standards, meeting certain obligations, giving up their current lifestyle with which they have grown accustomed to, or coming to the conclusion that they just aren’t deserving of success.

My personal fear lies in my self-doubt that not only am I not deserving, but not knowing if I will ever be.  I know I am not alone when thinking such self-defeating thoughts.  This world would be a much better place if we were all more comfortable with ourselves and possessed the confidence and self-esteem to live a life unaffected by meaningless external events.

How do I move closer to my goal of self-acceptance?  By reminding myself of a few key things:

• It all begins with thoughts.  Our thinking affects our emotions and our emotions affect our behavior, and as the shampoo bottle says, lather, rinse, repeat.  It can be a vicious circle if you choose for it to be.

This is why daily affirmations are important.  What many people don’t realize is that they are already doing this in the form of self-talk, whether it be positive or negative.  However it usually is coming from a negative place.  But over time you can replace those thoughts with much more positive ones.

Make it a practice throughout the day to to stop yourself in mid thought and make a mental note on what kind of thoughts you are having.  These negative thoughts usually manifest for one of two reasons.  We are not living fully present in the now and are ruminating over past events or worrying about future ones.  Or we cannot accept the present moment for what it is and want to change it, which we don’t have control over that, we only have control over how we react to it.  To quickly bring yourself back to the now, don’t exacerbate the problem by punishing yourself for these thoughts, recognize that they are there, and start to remind yourself of some things you are grateful for, because gratitude can only truly be experienced in the present moment.

• I am the creator of my own life.  I write my own story.  We humans, and I know I am, are control freaks and a lot of the frustrations we experience in life are because of things we can’t control, such as people, things, or events.  But when I look at my own list of things I personally fear, these are things that I can control.
  • Lack of energy or drive to succeed because of my age can be fixed by exercise, diet, and living a well balanced life that includes work, rest and play.
  • Lack of education or skills can easily be remedied by getting the necessary education and acquiring the skills I need to become successful at whatever it is I choose to do.
  • I don’t deserve success because I am not good enough.  These are thoughts I can control and exist only in my mind, and only manifest themselves in others when I impose these thoughts on them.

There is no battle to be won out there, only a battle within ourselves and we must fight against mediocrity, for settling into what we think is a comfortable existence because we ultimately fear change and the pain it may bring, when most don’t realize the pain they are currently living in is much more unbearable.

I am truly grateful for the support I receive daily from friends and family, those who hold up a mirror that truly reflects the wonderful human being that they love and accept.  It makes it that much easier to accept myself.

Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within – Eckhart Tolle, The Power Of Now

I have been here before many times, it’s “all or nothing.”  I go balls out and focus on one thing to the exclusion of others whether that be family, friends, work, play whatever.

Currently my focus is split between four different parts of my life and they all include “work,” in some form or another.  I am either working on my physical health, mental health, spiritual health or financial health.  I spend time reading, learning, journaling, exercising and working at Starbucks or my own business project at home.  While this all looks balanced, I have left out entertainment, with the exception of a fabulous dinner with my amazing friends Keith and Margot, I have not been out for days.  I am sitting here working hard in the hopes of obtaining some sort of happiness in the future.

I have often said that I live for the experience of life and what I have come to understand is how fleeting and empty that truly is.  All things must come to an end, even experiences.  A child may smile at you, but in the blink of an eye it too is gone.  A warm, soft kiss from your lover too shall die.  To live for these experiences forces us to look for another one to fill the empty hole it left behind, the hole it could never truly fill.

I am reminded of when I was a child and eagerly awaited so many Christmas mornings when all was said and done, you could find me  on the floor amongst all the carnage of shredded wrapping paper, ribbons and bows experiencing that empty feeling once again as I thought, “that’s it?” Quickly crashing down from my high, not because I wanted more stuff, but because I, like so many others in this world looked externally at people and things to fill some void to make me whole.

My happiness cannot be found in the past, because to hold onto what I once had, will manifest as a sense of lack now.  Nor will I find happiness in tomorrow, because the sense of lacking I feel today will continue to dangle out in front of me like a carrot on a stick.  Instead I must be present now, and surrender to the moment and whatever it brings, and this may not bring “happiness,” but it will be the end of suffering.

To sum it all up in a cliche, “You gotta stop and smell the roses.”

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.- Mark Twain

I don’t know about you, but something I have been looking for all my life is acceptance, whether that has been from family, friends, lovers, co-workers, bosses, or more importantly myself.

As I see more and more of my high school friends’ names on Facebook I am reminded of a time where there always seemed to be an “us,” and “them.”  What I have learned over time is that is exactly how “them,” were feeling too.  And yes I know I used the word them improperly.

I believe it was my Sophomore year of High School when our student body president took his own life after a party at his home, just days before school was to start.  I regret that I can’t even recall which school year it was, or even his name but it was such a surprising turn of events for someone so popular, so well liked at school, someone with such promise to do something so horrible.  The discussions surrounding the event always seemed to hover around the question, “How could he be so sad?  He had it all.”

Fast forward a couple of years to the high school I actually graduated from, and it is my senior year.  I won’t name any names, just in case.  But as graduation day approached every senior was of course bombarded with that same question day in and day out, “What do you plan to do after graduation?”

Once again, there was a person who I thought had it all together.  It all seemed to work out for him, he was constantly in the limelight and was chosen to play lead in all the best plays we produced.  But when I asked him that very same question, all I saw was fear in his eyes when he attempted to answer that his choices were between the air force, and college.  I think it would be funny if he actually came across this post, that’s how much an impact his reaction had on me, I still remember what his choices were.

While the two cases are different in that the first more than likely suffered a mental illness and needed medical attention, and the second was just having some doubts, where they are similar is in the lessons I learned but never took to heart.

There is no such thing as a perfect life, there is no one out there who isn’t looking for some form of acceptance.  We all feel a bit lonely and insecure at times, we all doubt ourselves, we all suffer from some fear that immobilizes us from time to time.  I think about Bam Margera the professional skateboarder and just plain action junkie who broke down into tears in the movie Jackass, when they locked him in a horse trailer with a snake.  This is a guy who’s broken many bones doing some of the craziest action stunts and he’s utterly terrified.

The acceptance I am focusing on now is the only one that is important, self-acceptance.  One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the last year is that to be a whole person does not mean you have alleviated every single problem out of your life, that you are perfect.  The last time someone showed up and was perfect we all know how that went down, and believe me I tried to walk across our pool water to see if I was perfect and I fell to the bottom and got a nose full of chlorine.

However, to be a whole person means to accept both parts of yourself the effective, and ineffective.  It is realizing and accepting both your attributes and faults, then improving on them both to spur continued growth.

As always, the things I am grateful for have not been fully realized.  I accept that they will be someday, so therefore I am now grateful for it being true.